Kölsch Költure in Cologne: Gift Or Gimmick?
Cologne bound beer drinkers who share their travel itinerary with other beer drinkers often have their expectations set as thus:
“It’s just Kölsch, across the whole city they only serve Kölsch. They come in little glasses that are replaced regularly by apron wearing waiters who are not friendly and frankly, come across as rude. It’s all part of the act.”
And yeah, minus a few finer details that is pretty much the entire Kölsch experience you will get in Cologne. Stereotypically cold men dutifully cary round trays of fresh poured Kölsch, exchanging your small empty glass for a full one without you having to ask.
It can be bamboozling, off-putting, confusing, delicious and a lot of fun. In my travels, this small pocket of West Germany is the only place that serves beer in this manner (they do the same with altbier in Düsseldorf). In this article I am going to break down the elements and nuances in this unique beer experience to examine if this beer anomaly is something you should try or leave for the locals.
The view from atop the Köln Triangle.
THE CITY
Cologne is home to the tallest twin spire church in Europe (Dom), the famous fragrance and a chocolate museum that is pretty generous with the free samples. Sitting on The Rhine, Cologne has long been connected to the rest of the world and has a diverse and worldly population of one million as a result. One thing they all seem to have in common is the love for their local tipple.
Gift or Gimmick Rating: Gift
There is nothing, or at least very little, that is gimmicky about Cologne. If you want to avoid tourists, don’t drink by the Rhine on a weekend afternoon, otherwise you’re golden. Aside from the iconic Dom, much of it was destroyed during WW2 meaning it’s not a feast for the eyes like other European cities but makes up for it with a positive and arty attitude, safe streets and friendly locals who love their city even if they can’t understand why you came to visit.
The answer is simple to me though…
Lovely Peters Brauhaus.
THE BEER
While Cologne may be a diverse place, the beer scene is a monoculture with Kölsch being the only beer on most menus. The name Kölsch comes from Köln, the German name for Cologne which is the most populated of the handful of places Kölsch is sold. Kölsch looks like any beer you’ve ever seen before, shopfront gold with light carbonation and a respectable white head. Taste wise it is equally inoffensive, light, flowery and with a crispness that such slips down your throat with efficient German ease.
Gift or Gimmick Rating: Gift
The scarcity of Kölsch not only around the world but in the rest of Germany alone makes drinking this beer a unique experience. The easy going profile suits Cologne summers which my AirBnb host Tim informed me have become increasingly long. Although nowhere near bold enough for IPA fiends, it’s a drink that can really please a crowd, fitting as it is best drunk with roaringly fun company.
Kölsch is beer brewed to be drunk cold which it always is, hence the unique serving system.
A favourite for beer travellers, FRÜH Brauhaus. Note the counting strikes on the front coaster indicating the beers we both had.
THE SYSTEM
Take a seat and your waiter will ask if you want a beer, by which they mean Kölsch or they will just drop the appropriate number on your table unannounced. Good venues serve Kölsch in 200mL glasses called a ‘stange’ which cost about €2-2.50 each. Finish your Kölsch and your waiter will soon replace it with a fresh one. To keep count, your waiter will keep a tally on a coaster adding new strikes as they replenish your beers. If you don’t want a replacement Kölsch, simply place a coaster over your empty stange and ask for the bill when you’re ready.
Gift or Gimmick Rating: A Bit Of Both
For someone new to travelling Europe, getting your head around the Kölsch system may need a little research (here you are) but is easy to understand. Replacing the beers often allows you to enjoy more of the crisp head and ensure the Kölsch is always fresh, crisp and cold. However, what may make it a little gimmicky is how effectively this system can have you quaffing large amounts without you even noticing. I’m not usually one to order a stein, but I will unwittingly drink the Kölsch equivalent with only my pencil marked coaster to prove I actually just did that. Cheap beers add up and the servers make sure they do.
Speaking of which…
Our angry server at Paffgen and Katie who didn’t know how to react.
THE SERVERS
Known as köbes, I was warned about Kölsch waiters by the owner of a bar all the way back in Amsterdam. I needed this warning. My first experience with a köbe, at a brewery called Prafan, I got yelled at by said köbe. Twice. Once because I said Wunderbar (“We don’t fucking say Wunderbar!”) and later because I was unaware of German tipping culture and tried to pay in exact change (“We need those tips to live!”). I was somewhat relieved to see our grumpy old sod was giving it to the Germans too and although you are allowed to return the energy it can be a full on experience.
Gift or Gimmick Rating: Massive Gimmick
You know those pop-up restaurants called Karen’s Diner where the staff are all out of work actors who are intentionally rude to you? Yeah, that’s a big fucking gimmick and so is this.
Yes, they are on their feet all day, buzzing around like bees carrying beer instead of nectar but they don’t have to be rude. Proof of this lies in brauhauses such as Früh, Peter’s and Gaffel who make a point on their website to state they have friendly staff, which they do. As a result, the experience is much less intense, allowing you to focus on the beer, food and ambience while also meaning your waiter actually deserves a fucking tip. If you are up for a bit of shade and want to be around less tourists, go to one of the rude joints but as some venues with happy köbes proove, it’s not an essential part of the Kölsch experience.
First and last place we went to eat was Wirsthaus Spitz because it was near our apartment. The guy serving was little cold at first but warmed up to us in the end. Great schnitzels and Gaffel Kölsch.
THE VENUES
Every bar or cafe (minus specialised craft beer venues) will sell one local Kölsch that is visibly advertised on signs and umbrellas. Some serve in regular glasses but many use the replacement system implemented in the brauhauses.
The brauhauses (brew houses) are generally where you get the best Kölsch, often brewed in premises and poured from fresh kegs and barrels. Traditional snacks such as halve hanh (a deconstructed cheese sandwich) and liverwurst are always available as are bulky plates of schnitzel, currywurst and pork knuckle. The interiors are warm, woody and adorned with stained glass ceilings, but beer gardens, courtyards and streetside seating are the place to be in summer.
How could bacon potatoes possibly be a gimmick?
Gift or Gimmick Rating: Absolute Gift
As the average menu and appearance of Kölsch venues is very similar, Cologne doesn’t offer the best excuse for a pub crawl. Instead, many venues offer a lived-in place to settle in, enjoy your surroundings, eat something comforting and rack up notches on your coaster like inside of isolation cell in Chicken Run. Whilst menus can be samey, traditional German with a focus on Cologne specialties, there’s always a venue that does one thing just a little better than the others. Ask around, explore for yourself, take notes and come back for seconds, thirds and fourths.
Aside from a bit of yelling, the food at Paffgen was pretty great.
KÖLSCH KÖLTURE OVERALL
Gift or Gimmick Rating: Gift
It’s hard to come across a beer drinking experience as effortless, fun and comforting as drinking Kölsch in Cologne. The whole system come so naturally to Köln natives that many question why a foreigner would come to taste it first hand. Perhaps it’s like Anthony Bourdain once said “Good beer isn’t broey here. In Cologne, good beer is simply a way of life.” Even with the gimmicky aspects, it’s a lifestyle you should try for yourself and one that I am already missing as I write about it on the train to Berlin.
Proost.
This article was originally published on BennySentYa.com
